I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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