Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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