this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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