Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
