From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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