I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
