i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize