Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
