yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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