I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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