evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
