dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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