I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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