I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!