beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go