be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
