well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?