Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we're making bets on your personal life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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