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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  all we need is a web designer

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  and a bunch of prostitutes

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• (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I come from her. Holy hell.

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• (415): View more from California

  Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  I can't help you there

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom

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