Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only room for one pussy in that bed.

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  (262): When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy. (612): only room for one pussy in that bed. http://tfl.nu/8gho
  Replies (9) Good night (832) Bad night (2349)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

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  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
  Replies (42) Good night (2961) Bad night (2858)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

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  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
  Replies (44) Good night (6156) Bad night (1450)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this

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  (410): forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this http://tfl.nu/291a
  Replies (27) Good night (1021) Bad night (8181)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

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  (610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc
  Replies (12) Good night (944) Bad night (4989)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

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  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7865) Bad night (944)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.

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  (715): I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers. http://tfl.nu/5ulf
  Replies (3) Good night (2237) Bad night (846)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.

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  (918): Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose. http://tfl.nu/n06v
  Replies (6) Good night (1485) Bad night (534)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.

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  (651): well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well. http://tfl.nu/icbo
  Replies (1) Good night (387) Bad night (939)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.

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  (828): Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high. http://tfl.nu/spu2
  Replies (1) Good night (690) Bad night (263)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.

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  (401): Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs. http://tfl.nu/njfk
  Replies (3) Good night (347) Bad night (293)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club

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  (727): I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club http://tfl.nu/x5dg
  Replies (5) Good night (724) Bad night (194)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.

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  (616): if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right. http://tfl.nu/9n53
  Replies (1) Good night (579) Bad night (233)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?

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  (973): Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar? http://tfl.nu/k32t
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (207)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.

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  (320): It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus. http://tfl.nu/y9c1
  Replies (1) Good night (610) Bad night (165)

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