ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
