it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
