Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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