Me too!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
