It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
