dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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