I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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