if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
