It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
