the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize