I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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