It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
