Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
