i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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