pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
