Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
