My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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