Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
