I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
