they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
