I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
