i just had sex bonerless
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize