I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
