I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
