god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Porn is love you can see.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
