I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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