i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
