so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
