Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
