I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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