and you said cock pushups were impossible
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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