I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
