Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
