so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize