You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.