Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.