When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.