So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.