I faked an abortion last night.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?