Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
