So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
