I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
