Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
