You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
