My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
