Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
