I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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