i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
