I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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