You're completely useless in the revolution.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
