She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
