Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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